


Remembrance

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dark side!Finn, Finn centric, Finn's got a secret he won't tell, Force Bond, Force Sensitive Finn, Frotting, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, POV Finn, POV Kylo Ren, Poor Poe, Post TFA recovery, Rey is training, This is Kylo jumping to conclusions! the fic!, and Poe is gunning for the wrong guy, dominant Kylo, finnlo, injured!Kylo, like way later....i think..., one sided stormpilot, to the resistance, will add tags for sexual content later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bond between Kylo Ren and Finn was unwittingly constructed and erected by Kylo,  he thought that Finn would be the clutch to keep him above the darkness, he thought he would be much more than just a prospective student. While the both of them recover from their injuries after the battle on StarKiller, Kylo cannot deny or break the Bond he made, he must now find his own way of dealing with it and Finn without rousing the suspicions of Hux and Snoke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cognizance 1

The bandages cling to his skin like chains wrapped deftly around the ridges of the near gaping wound on his back. In Finn's mind, there is little doubt that Kylo believed he deserved this, it was his punishment, suitable for the one who dared to brand themselves a traitor by the Knight of Ren. The thought cloys together in his mind and slowly twists outward over and over again, the memory of a crimson blade against sapphire and the blackness of unconsciousness. Finn wishes he stayed in that abyss, wondering if he were alive, of course, he wouldn't have even been thinking that if he were dead. Yet even in the still moments when he was so sure that he had departed, a voice called out, starting as a small whisper growing more and more fervent like a prayer, audible yet barely intelligible.

Poe tells him, those were probably the times he saw Finn stir the most like something had taken over him, and then like a blooming flower, he slowly rose, chest heaving, and barely cognizant of his surroundings. For Poe it was almost as good as hearing his voice again after Jakku, seeing him wear his jacket, BB-8 in tow, and the entire population of the base swirling around them completely unaware. "You rose up out the bed like you just took a long nap!" He tries to joke with Finn whose eyes were directed blankly at the ceiling of the room. Finn chuckles but it doesn't feel genuine, it feels distracted, accentuated by the weakness in his voice. He probably needed something to drink. 

Something woke him, something that sensed his hesitancy to return to consciousness, a voice that grew familiar the longer he stayed in his coma. He thought only of how his fear kept him from wanting that. Looking at Poe now though he wasn't sure he could live with himself knowing the pilot would stay by his bedside hoping that he would awaken and they could; in his mind, grow closer. Slowly turning his head towards the other man, Finn was able to gather up enough energy to speak. 

"Thank you....Dameron....thanks for staying by my side." 

Later when a physician walks in and gives the two of them a run down of Finn's condition, the former storm trooper is surprised by Poe's eagerness to help him recover, it made the gauze running down his back feel slightly less foreign against his skin when he moved to crank his head closer towards the voice. A woman, that Finn had some recollection of in his rare moments of consciousness checking up on him, a soft voice swinging slowly around his ears as she walked around his room. Yes, she was the beacon of hope for Dameron, the reason why his hand sometimes clutched Finn's. Why Poe would tell him stories knowing that Finn was hardly awake. "How are you today Finn?"

She asks and Finn gripes half playfully as he moves again. "I've been a hell of a lot better."

The two of them chuckle lightly, and Finn knows the pain is nothing to make light of, a wound gained from gathering his courage was still a wound. "Well, we'll start your rehabilitation as soon as you’re ready, Finn.” Poe beams at him in that moment.

“We’ll get you out there as soon as we can buddy!”

It’s that smile that makes it all a bit more bearable. He didn’t even know if he’d be able to walk again, but it’s Poe’s enthusiasm that makes him believe otherwise. There’s another firm clutch of his hand from Poe which would of normally made Finn anxious but something made it feel familiar and worn, a memory barely there of Poe doing just that day in and day out. He wishes he felt the need to do anything other than audibly groan from the dull pain in his body to thank Poe a million times over as the physician continued to describe his condition, and the plan going forward. Poe continued to rile him up throughout, even the possibility of him never regaining the function of his limbs didn’t stop Poe from being hopeful. Whatever it was, Finn could truly feel the depth of his conviction, far more than he felt he should, like some part of him was prying into Poe unwittingly. So he shouldn’t have been surprised by the voice, the voice that dragged him back to his own mind.

“A fool he is…..loving a man he barely even knows. A marked man like you….you don’t belong here. ”

The voice, it’s cadence, it’s clarity shook Finn to his core, bringing him away from the curious eyes of Poe. The pilot could feel Finn’s hand slowly slough off his, concern came onto the others face. Even the physician with them noticed. “Should I leave you two alone?”

Finn stared a her for a moment, confusion in his eyes, “I uh….actually...I think I need some time alone.” His voice came out unsure, but the two of them seemed to understand as they tried to record his expression in their minds.

“Well, alright then, we should go Poe. If you need anything just call Finn.’ It was just like that his physician was pushing Poe out with a tender hand on the back despite the pilot looking back at Finn with worried eyes. Finn tried his hardest to return the look, to give Poe a sense of _“I’ll be alright….I just really need this.”_ It seemed to work but he could only tell so much from his bed as the two exited the room. 

_“It’s been too long for you to just suddenly notice my voice.”_

“Who are you?”

_“Really….maybe it’s the mask, but I think you’re quite aware of who I am. I didn’t think the bond would catch on or take this long to even activate.”_

“What are you talking about?”

The voice goes silent, contemplating the obvious, wondering if Finn was simply in denial. _“I’m coming back for you FN.”_

“That’s not my name anymore, so I’ll ask you again, who is this?’

Silence again, longer than the other time. This time it was a question of whether or not it was Finn’s right to know just why he could hear him. Even from where Kylo was the Force swelled slowly around his feelings of anger and betrayal, it festered and strained his patience, why choose to let this bond linger any longer than it had to? To have his mind linked to a traitor, to someone he once thought could be a student, someone to share his pain. Even if the darkness consumed the both of them Finn was supposed to be the assurance that at least he wasn’t alone. This was a mistake.

_“It never mattered to you, traitor.”_

The sudden feeling of Finn being cut off reverberated inside him like a kick to the gut. He wrapped his arms around himself in a futile attempt to bring back whatever comfort that voice provided. He rubbed his head against his pillow, he realized that it must have been watching over him since he entered the place, watching over him and waiting. Now the connection between them felt like it was stripped down, like a single tiny string tethered the both of them, Finn could feel this, no matter how much the other wanted to cut him off, perhaps they couldn’t. He couldn’t make sense of whether or not the voice meant him any harm or not but it clearly warmed up to Finn in his days spent in a coma.

He outstretched his fingers for a moment, this was less about a voice, and more about the realization of the power within him. _“If I’m not going crazy….then all that stuff I was feeling before…..was that the Force?”_ He thought to himself as his fingers began to tingle.

Finn wished he was speaking to the voice again, to tell him just what any of this even meant and what did he do to deserve this? If there was anyone who could talk to him like it did, he would have at least wanted to be addressed by his real name. They knew his previous affiliations, how he escaped the First Order, whoever they were, they must have had dangerous intentions. It scared him for a moment yet this sensation was juxtaposed with the fact that the voice felt….worn in. It belonged there, almost as if it was always there, silently looking for a reason to say something. _“I wonder if this is what the Force is like for Rey, some voice talking to you all the time…”_

He was left with his thoughts and then slowly the boredom of lying in bed turned into exhaustion. For the first time he had never experienced a day where he could just stay in bed. No alarms, no check ups, the higher ups ordering him around. There was almost some panic inside him when he first woke up, realizing he wasn’t on the Base anymore. Voices, bandages, Poe Dameron, and a sore back, it was better than being back with the First Order. Gradually, his body sank right into the sheets of his bed as sleep overtook him. It was a short first day for finally being conscious. 

At some point, the presence returns coiling around Finn when he falls into another slumber. Climbing into his bed stretching it’s warmth around the solid form of his body, listening to the subtle movements. It never had any intentions of leaving in the first place, Kylo couldn’t bare it. 


	2. Stratagem

Kylo Ren barely slumbers, he can hardly keep himself together. It stings, this feeling of inadequacy burning inside him. A medic attends to the dressing of his wounds which feel as fresh as they did the moment they were burned to his skin. It hurts when he feels cream smoothing over it and another roll of gauze stretched over his shoulder. 

“So...when did it happen? The bond? If that’s what you call it?” the general asked in an accusatory tone. 

Kylo’s glance was directed towards the figure leaning against the door frame of the room. Hux had been watching, he was always watching whenever Kylo needed his wounds to be redressed. It almost stung as much as being struck with a lightsaber. He assumed he was safe, that even with his defeat Snoke would still see some value in his privacy, but of course there was going to be punishment for his defeat. 

He was ordered to report to the Supreme leader not even a week after his defeat on Starkiller, the Knight was barely able to even strain his eyes or look up at his leader without pain electrifying the new gash across his features. Yet, even then he wouldn’t have dared not to show up for reporting, that would have just shown that the battle had gotten to him. For once, the looming figure of Snoke seemed almost….apprehensive as it stared down at the both of them, in only a way that the Force could allude to. For Kylo, it felt almost disrespectful to pry like that, it was unlike Snoke to keep his emotions so vulnerable, but he had a feeling that it spelt consequences to come. Snoke was leaving it open for Kylo to only guess. 

“You need to tell me everything Kylo, or else who knows what else Snoke will do.”

The sound of the general's concerned tine snaps him out of his short reverie, he’s cotton-mouthed and doesn’t want to answer, doesn’t want Hux to see how attached he became and how weak it made him. Even without the Force, Hux was absurdly good at prying. The meeting he was thinking about had ended with nothing but the feeling of a threat. After all, they were still recouping from their losses on Star Killer. It wouldn’t have been very long before they met face to face, Kylo was specifically ordered into Snoke’s private quarters. Hux seemed surprised that Snoke would want a private audience with Kylo, they were usually together when addressed by the Supreme Leader, but he only watched when Kylo sauntered away with the ghastly being.

“He read my mind...well, more like forced his way in.”

Hux hardly seemed surprised when Kylo finally answered him out of the daunting silence. Even he wanted to know just what Kylo was planning in consideration to his struggles with the light side of the Force.

“So when he asked to speak with you privately he probed your mind? Is that correct?”

Kylo nodded as the medic next to him silently moved his wrappings around to confirm that they were going to be held in place and be snug enough for Kylo to move. 

Hux scoffed incredulously at Kylo and the way his face seemed to simper into shame. “What did you honestly expect? Keeping a student when you yourself have yet to even complete your training?”

“It was more than just that…. _he_ was more than just that-”

“And he’s gone now, off with the Resistance, presumably to rip the foundation of the First Order to bits because you couldn’t find a way to keep him here. It doesn’t matter what he was to you, Snoke won’t even think twice about having him killed.”

“I can-”

“You can what? Engage in the delusion of being a teacher to anyone?”

“No.”

The atmosphere of the room suddenly changed at Kylo stood from his position and ran his hands over the gauze. 

“I told Snoke, with the bond, I can convince FN to return, I can bring him back. Turn him into the Knight he was meant to be.”

Hux was less than convinced, the slight sneer to his face signaled that to Kylo. Hux had no clue what Kylo saw in FN other than being a precautionary tale for the other Stormtroopers. He was suddenly exhausted by the idea of Force users and whatever shenanigans they got up to. Kylo spoke again.

“If not that, I can pry information from him. I can see what he sees, feels what he feels, we’re _connected_.”

“I’ll ask you again, just _when_ did this happen? Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Kylo stared contemplatively at the ground for a moment, this was not the type of situation he wanted to be stuck in with Hux of all people. He couldn’t understand the pressure of needing to be as strong as his grandfather, or the Light continually pushing it’s way through the Darkness. The constant struggle and pull, he pushed everyone away, some he even killed and not many of his own ‘equals’ understood him. The thought of there being maybe one Force Sensitive who could possibly understand just what that was like. FN who was so… _open_ to the Force, willing to accept whatever Kylo gave him. Truthfully, it happened almost immediately.

“It was...long ago. I wasn’t aware until recently, when we fought. I barely even knew what I was doing when it happened…….just that I wanted it.”

“That sounds just like you. Attaching yourself to a mere Stormtrooper-”

“He could use the Force. Well, now he can. Our battle awakened something in him. We already know that girl is going to try and find Luke nothing I said went through to her when I interrogated her. However, FN is currently incapacitated, he won’t be healed for some months. Unlike her, he can be convinced to join us. I don’t think we’ve lost him yet.”

Kylo said it as if he were some soldier addressing Hux, he knew simply laying out his cards was better than trying to play mind games with him. Hux simply stared at him, not believing for a moment that he was even slightly capable of accomplishing his goal. He turned away from the other man, leaving the room and Kylo with nothing short of a disapproving stare and an acerbic remark. 

“How shameful would it be if the Supreme Leader was aware of your deeper connections to FN? You could be forsaking the entirety of his Empire for one measly _Stormtrooper_. Think about that Kylo.”

The general motioned for the medic to leave along with him and leave Kylo alone with his thoughts. Hux having the last word in any conversation between them was suddenly becoming a regular occurrence. He could barely even muster the hidden rage inside him anymore, some part of him had submitted to the fact that he’d made a mistake. Any further mishaps, and Snoke was sure to probe his mind again without consent, worse yet, abandon him. Even knowing he’d done it to others, he himself was never prepared for the way it stripped him and made him feel vulnerable. For once, he might have felt an inkling of sympathy for his victims. 

He thought of FN again. Victims, not just the ones who submitted to his probing, but probably the person who was wounded the most in this whole affair. He thought about that moment on StarKiller, the way the cold crept into his skin, his eyes rheumy, body taut and fueled with a powerful anger, and the Dark side was feeding him with only the thought of betrayal. He thought it best to be rid of FN, right there and then, but if it had been anyone else who knew him well enough, he was holding himself back. 

The bond made sure to it, like chains wrapped around his wrists, he saw through each and every one of FN’s attacks, the holes in his offense, and how his training did very little at all it seemed for FN other than when he needed to be on the defense. If it had truly been anyone else, FN would have died there and then, he thought maybe it’d be best to let the planet take him, let him lay there bleeding, even if he felt the bond weaken and lapse slowly after his final strike. Despite that he hadn’t considered how weakened he’d be by trying to sever his bond so callously, and it didn’t help his chances against the Scavenger as she made quick work of his sudden vulnerability. It didn’t just hurt to have FN turn against him, but so did the lightsaber that was rightfully his being taken into the hands of some nobody.

After his defeat, being left in the snow with his injuries actually gave the Knight some time to contemplate through the pain, and even then he could see it. The flickering light that was FN’s life, the bond that continued to tether the two of them, distant and enduring. It brought him…. _relief_ , a sudden respite from the pain and the shame of being found crumpled and defeated in the snow, and he hated it. He wanted to tear it all down, and yet he hesitated the moment it would have made a real difference. 

Kylo took a moment to stare at his shoulder, a sudden twinge of pain seeped through it once he thought about the fight again. “ _The one on his shoulder must be deeper._ ” Kylo thought. FN would have felt the same sprinkling of pain through the bond, and if he trained enough, he might even be able to actually see Kylo. He wondered for a moment just why FN felt so closed off before even when Kylo knew the bond was set, but something about that battle, the way the two of them clashed, their emotions on high as everything was set on the line. For the first time Kylo could read his thoughts and peer into his mind with a sudden clarity, he could feel the energized edge of his saber slicing into his skin, the flow of the Force through them both. While feeling injuries through a bond was not nearly as permanent as the actual thing, it seeped his energy slowly, but it also gave him a great deal of reassurance that FN was feeling _something_ for what he did to him. 

FN may not have realized it, but his uncertainty at Kylo’s behavior and what he knew of it spoke volumes beyond his actions. The weeks that followed the retreat from Star Killer, Kylo repeated the thought that made his fists hammer with trepidation when he fought FN. The thought that was stout in his mind after FN took up Luke's lightsaber as revenge. 

_**“This isn't the Kylo I know.”** _

It was a thought so sincere like that that nearly brought the both of them to the brink of death. It made him rethink his actions, but it did little to quell his rage. It was that single doubt that FN laid bare for Kylo to hear even as he powered up Luke’s lightsaber that had the Knight rethinking everything. He couldn’t figure out just why FN acted as if he forgot how they were connected, why he was so willing to throw it away, running away with that Scavenger and the rest of the Resistance. 

He wrestled with this conflict daily, FN seemed to almost be _happy_ that he was with the Resistance if those flourishes of relief he’d feel across their bond was any indication. It had been days since he cut him off, it was only when he knew FN’s mind wasn’t meant to be active that he dared to open himself up again. Right now, he could feel FN stirring in his sleep and moving his body to avoid enabling any pain from the gash the Knight had caused. Sometimes even Kylo could feel a phantom discomfort from it and it brought a large deal of guilt to the man. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he thought FN deserved it

He laid back against his mattress for a moment opening up his bond and speaking to him like he did while FN spent his time in a coma. He hoped he’d get an answer.

_“How did it feel to betray me?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to update this as much and as quickly as I can, I think eventually at some point 'll be writing with Hux's POV. Can y'all tell me if I'm getting this Force Bond thing wrong, I liked the idea of it and read up on it but I'm not entirely sure if what I'm writing is correct in any sense. I will definitely get into just what type of stuff Kylo and Finn were up to before the events of TFA.


	3. Clairvoyance 2

Finn dreams but this feels more like a memory than any dream he’s ever had. 

Familiar and dark blurry shapes settle into a confusing palette that has his head spinning and just before he even knew it he was tumbling to the ground quickly. He closed his eyes to grimace at the skylight above the room. 

This was the Knight's training room it was stationed in the more decadent part of the Finalizer, the part he had no authorization to be in the first place. He didn’t tell anyone of the whispers that’d he hear sometimes out of nowhere, something or someone had called him here in the thick of his deepest thoughts, and he could no longer ignore their calls. A faint whisper that gave him instructions, ways to avoid other Troopers peering around corners and generals reporting to their superiors, a whisper that led him to a black cloak that trailed across the metal sheen of the floors of the ship.

It was Kylo Ren, it was always him, the man that made made his mind teem with anxiety since his appearance with the First Order not even a few years ago. The visage of that mask was burned into his dreams, in that visor he can see the endless abyss of a darkness unknown-a flash of the power within, the potential of it. He’s never known what to call it and wondered if anybody could feel it’s subtle attraction, the tendrils of it lapping out at all who gazed. Throughout the long months of Kylo’s arrival, he figured not-no one had strange dreams like he, no one thought of Kylo as anything other than another commander to report to, albeit far more fearsome and emotionally disturbed than any of the others. 

Following him was less of a hassle than Finn thought, he’d been thinking about it for weeks now, and there had been more than a few times when the Knight of Ren passed him and Finn could actually hear the change in his step. Then there was the day the Knight actually stopped to stare at the Trooper. He was on sanitation duty again and tried desperately to ignore the breathing coming from that fearsome mask. It was the only sound in the corridor other than the usual vibrating hum of the ship. He too stopped for a moment to return the glance, between them it was simply a battle of masks staring at one another with silence as their weapon. 

There was a deliberate change in the Knight's stance and then _nothing_ , he simply turned around away from the Trooper, and Finn himself returned to his duties. Internally, he was screaming with questions about the sudden tug he felt but he lapsed at the very thought of questioning the Knight, who knows just why he stopped? That momentary pause in that hallway made some things instantly clear to him, and others more muddled than it ever could have been. He’d never noticed the sensation of the Force wrapping itself like a cloak around Kylo, it wasn’t something he could see, but he only perceived and he knew Kylo could feel something from him too. They were like points of heat in the coldest, darkest part of the Galaxy, like a star waiting to collect dust, waiting to gather its energy and burst anew. Difference was, Kylo felt like he never wanted to burst, like he preferred the shadows, and Finn was getting sucked into his dormant state of darkness, unable to look away from the destruction he harbored.

His mind mulled over that moment for weeks, it was almost torturous, especially when Kylo would enter the barracks or the mess hall and Finn could feel him again. It wouldn’t be long before Finn was following the man, trying to seem as inconspicuous and as possible. However, there was something strange about Kylo’s movements that Finn couldn’t put a finger on, he almost seemed like he was inviting Finn. It should have been obvious to the Trooper, but he hadn’t realized where he was at all, he couldn’t recognize the deeper parts of the ship, only that seeing other Troopers, Officers, and Generals meant that he must have at least have some authority to be here. 

Sneaking into rooms behind Kylo was always meant to be a bad idea, and the very last door just happened to be the entrance to the Knight’s quarters. Walking in and being blinded by the sudden shift of darkness inside the room Finn found himself clutching to whatever invisible wall he could feel. As panic set in, the skylight of room slowly retracted and even as light entered the chamber he still could not see Kylo Ren, but he could most definitely feel him. In fact, he’d never felt his presence as much as he did in this one moment, as if Kylo was finally revealing his true self. Then came the sudden push to the ground that caused Finn to tumble rather embarrassingly to the ground. He was scrambling to get his footing shoving himself up against the nearest wall until Kylo’s shadow overtook him. 

“You’ve been following me…... _why?_ ”

Finn answers with some panicked breaths behind his mask, he hadn’t accounted for how fearsome the Knight could seem when he couldn’t see his face or figure out his tone. There was a pregnant pause between them as Finn tried to gather his bearings, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Nothing that would get him out of this situation safely or not send him to reconditioning, nothing that would possibly allow him to avoid the end of Kylo’s lightsaber, the same one he saw slashing machinery into bits some time ago.

“Y-You….looked at me-in the hallway...a week ago.”

Kylo doesn’t say anything, so the silence continues between them, but even his subtle breaths could be heard from the mask. 

“And?”

Finn felt that maybe he shouldn’t have said the next thing, he couldn’t have known it would change everything for him. 

“You….felt something….didn’t you? I-I _did_ too.”

More silence, but at this point Finn was almost getting annoyed with Kylo’s resistance to answering immediately. Finn shifted to his knees. “L-Look...I just thought….maybe you could tell me what it is I’m feeling? Every time I’m around you…. I feel strange. I feel..... _vulnerable_ and it’s only when I’m around you.”

Kylo tilted his head curiously and then knelt next to Finn for a moment. He stared at him in an almost meditative silence, and then a his hands clutch at the Trooper’s shoulders. Both of them are still wearing masks, but it feels as Finn can really truly see him, he no longer appears like a stranger, even if the Knight hadn’t spoken more than 3 sentences to him. 

“Let me ask you a question.”

Finn breathed and only nodded his head in response. 

_“How did it feel to betray me?”_

His brow furrows when he stares back at Kylo, his mask suddenly the only thing in his peripheral as everything else simply drowned on into a singular blackness. From the visor came those dark tendrils, the ones that haunted his nightmares, his visions, the ones that wrapped around Kylo so effortless were currently invading the nooks of his armor. It’s turned the white alabaster of his armor into a smoky charred black as it traveled up. He couldn’t feel anything other than a chill, and the strong almost stone like grasp that Kylo had on his shoulders, as if he intended to crush him. 

_“Betray? I-”_

Finn had nothing to say in his stunned fear, the billows of darkness swallowing up, yet his reaction was nothing but accepting. The cold crept up his body, and it suddenly reminded him of Starkiller, the snow, the white, and the vibrant sparks of red from Kylo’s lightsaber. The darkness became his last moments awake on Starkiller, the sensation of feeling like he deserved this rushed in as soon as the acceptance was gone. He was turned around and exposed to Kylo and then the thick and heavy slice came and he was face first into the snow again. He was thinking about Rey, he was thinking about Poe, he was thinking about Han, all of it swirling until lastly he could see the rays of crimson in the very edge of his vision, Last of all, he was thinking about _Kylo_.

___________________________________________________________________________

 

There were far better ways to wake up to than the cold, sterile floor of his room in the infirmary. Even worse, he was tangled up in all these tubes, tubes that were mostly connected to syringes and other monitors. Finn didn’t even bother moving for a minute or two as the pain of falling off his bed subsided, he spent most of those seconds listening to the footsteps rushing towards his door. 

“Finn! Are you-?”

Poe looked on the bed to find nothing but IV’s and tubes pulled over the side of Finn’s bed in an attempt to stay on the mattress while struggling against the sudden dead weight on the ground. 

“Finn?” 

That was Poe’s voice Finn realized. He thought stupidly for a second to bolster himself off the ground quickly to make it seem like everything was alright. First off, he was surprised he was even able to move his arms enough to position them under him as it painfully stretched the gash across his backbone. Then came the attempt to lift and all the tension that built up from his thighs, to his knees, to his ankles, all of it amounted to nothing against the incredible amount of pain and the refusal of his muscles to acquiesce all in this one moment. He fell right back against the ground and groaned out in pain, before he knew it Poe was by his side before he even blinked. 

_“That kriffing hurt FN!.”_ was transmitted into his mind before Poe could even utter a thing. 

“Finn!? Don’t move…. I’ll help you back on the bed…” Poe spoke.

Feeling Poe’s gentle hands prop him up carefully was a bit of a godsend, and made the sizzling agony of his spine seemingly lessen, or maybe that was just his imagination. There in the back of his head was that voice and it’s patronizing tone again. “ _What does he even mean to you, FN?_ ” He responded back as Poe got Finn halfway back on the bed, and one of the medics who followed him to the room came to help as well. _“I told you that’s not my name anymore. My names Finn now, and Poe’s the one who gave it to me. That’s a lot more than you’ve done….whoever you are..”_

Another throb of his spine came over him as they shuffled him on the bed, and then a feeling of frustration suddenly rushed over him, frustration that most definitely wasn’t his. Poe and the Medic seemed a little tuckered to have been the ones holding most of Finn’s body weight with their own. “Finn…’ Poe heaved lightly. “You’re a lot heavier than you look.” Finn was snapped out of his reverie when he heard the pilot’s voice.

‘Sorry...I didn’t think it was that bad. Didn’t even realize that I couldn’t use my legs like before.”

“Well you’ve been in a coma for a few months Finn, we’ll need to put you through rehabilitation first.”

The medic nodded as Poe spoke, but Finn seemed less than happy about that. Poe smiled rather sympathetically at the currently bedridden man, Finn found something nice in the grizzled smile and the light sheen of grogginess on the other man. If there was one thing Finn was not surprised by, it was the fact that Poe Dameron was attractive even when half-asleep. 

_‘That pilot must think he can ‘heal’ you with his love or something. How insipid. Who cares if he gave you a name, he can’t speak to you or feel you like I can.”_

Finn’s facial expression seem less than pleased to Poe. The Medic began to manage much of the wires that were supposed to be connected to Finn and back to the machinery behind the bed. Poe let his hand wander to Finn’s shoulder and once again the ex-trooper seemed to be in a trance. “Finn...I promise you...I’ll be with you through each and every step of this. Just please...don’t rush yourself, I don’t want you to get any more hurt than you already are.”

Finn opened his mouth to say something before the Medic plunged one of his IV’s back under his skin. “Ow!” he rubbed at the skin next to it as the Medic murmured a sorry under his breath. “Yeah, I just really had no idea it was that bad….holy shit.” He sighed staring at the white sheets underneath him. 

The Medic left quickly making sure that the guards on Finn’s bed were up so he wouldn’t fall back on the floor again. Poe stayed behind though, clearly intent on staying the night here than in his raggedy bunk halfway across the Hall. “You know I moved from my usual place and decided to stay closer to you in case something like this happened.”

“Oh really?’ Finn asked.

“Yeah, BB-8 always gives me hell for it, says I should be with all the other pilots in case Leia has some important mission for me to go on. I don’t even think she’d send me knowing that I’m here unless it was really important.”

_“Oh how sweet, he gives you special treatment…”_

Finn would have told that little voice to shut up if it didn't take most of his facial muscles to respond back to it, which would have probably confused Poe. Instead, he decided to indulge. “I….you’d stay here for me? Why?”

“Why? Well, you’re a good man Finn, I wouldn’t want one of the Resistance’s greatest heroes feeling all lonely down here.” 

_“A charming liar this one is, even torturing him was-.”_ The voice suddenly stopped as if it were aware that it saying something suspicious. _“Torturing?’_ Finn thought to himself.

“Uh….thanks?” What else was Finn supposed to say really? With Poe it was suddenly difficult to act like he always did, there was an air of anxiety teeming around the both of them, something unexplored, a pull, but much different from the one he felt from people like Kylo Ren or Rey, those two had their own distinctive auras. “Uh..I mean...well I’ve never had anyone look after my back like this. Sorry if I sound weird about it.”

‘No...no don’t worry about it. You just woke up not even a few days ago Finn, we’re all just trying to figure out how to go on from here.”

Finn thought back to the inner voice again and asked Poe a seemingly innocent enough question. “What about you? Are you okay? I mean I was worried about you after the crash, you didn’t look like you were in good shape before that even.”

Poe sighed, sitting on the bed next to Finn’s knees. “Yeah, I came out of the Finalizer with a pretty bad headache.”

 _“What are you planning?”_ The voice asks. _“I’m tired of trying to figure out who you are.’_ Finn responds tersely

“Headache?”

“Yeah...that man, Kylo, he used the Force on me. He tried to pry information-which he got unfortunately-but hey! Me and you made it out….mostly okay.”

“Kylo…..he torture-”

Finn suddenly clutched his head, a pain unlike any other had him nearly doubling over. An immense tension was straining across the bond, one that Kylo had intentionally brought upon Finn. _“I advise not to go this route FN.”_ The voice was commanding him acting as if it had anything other than rudimentary control over his actions. “So it really was you? The dream? The Force when we fought? The voice during my coma?”

Poe tried to reach for Finn as concern flooded his senses. “Finn! What's wrong?” As soon as Finn felt Poe’s hands touching his, the tenuous strain of pain subsided, like darkness trying to escape a flood of light. From here, and for one of the first times, Finn could feel Kylo’s disgust at Poe’s compassion. It was not just possessiveness driving him, but the feeling of wanting to kill the man that cajoled FN into leaving the Finalizer. He was vowing to extinguish him while the pain he transmitted subsided from Finn. 

“Finn breathed out for a moment, his chest heavy with fear as he curled up against his bed. “Its…...I’m fine….I just….need sleep.” his voice was solemn and heavy, a contrast to his earlier mood. Poe suddenly felt like he said or did something wrong to bring it about, but Finn looked less than ready to give anybody answers. Poe simply nodded, covering Finn with a blanket, and walking over to the other side of the room onto one of the chairs. While uncomfortable as customary for chairs in the infirmary, he’d would sleep there for eons if it meant that Finn was safe, and happy, and most importantly, not suffering.

“I’ll sleep here for tonight Finn, that way if anything happens you can just call me, alright?”

Finn shuffled under his covers for a moment, mumbling out an okay and rubbing his face on the pillow. He had no intentions of sleeping just yet, but the pain, the pain made him weak. Still, his mind was questioning everything. 

_“Kylo…..answer me.”_

Again that silence, that silence Finn was all too accustomed to on the Finalizer when they first became aware of each other’s existences. “This isn’t the time to act silent or whatever it is you want to do. How long…..how long have we been.....like this?”

_“Long enough for you to betray me. Long enough to feel every aching sensation from your body. Your dreams, your feelings. Starkiller was just the beginning.”_

_“You thought you could hide from me Kylo?”_

_“I should ask you that question. How long did you think you could run from the First Order before I found you again?”_

_“You were looking for me?”_

_“Yes and no. I wanted to believe it was nothing but a ruse, that I knew you better, that maybe you were just leading that pilot on to his demise, that you would secure the map to Skywalker to me, like a loyal Knight would.”_

_“I’m not your damn Knight….I never wanted to be.”_

_“You say that and yet you trained under me, you loved the dark side and you saw the power it gave you. The power it gave **us **”****_

Finn gritted his teeth for a moment, his hands grasping into the sheets above his head. If the Dark side had any sense of mercy it would sever this connection and this odd voice coiled around his ears like a bad case of tinnitus. 

_““There is no **us**. You murdered your own father in front of me, you tortured Poe, you tortured Rey. You nearly **killed** me, and you think I’ll just forgive you for that? Just because you decided to become a voice in my head?” _

Kylo could feel the rare sensation of rage building up inside his bondmate, it almost delighted him, but he kept that to himself in hopes that Finn wouldn’t have the perception to feel it. _“Finn, trust me, I tried to cut you off, by doing just what you said. Killing you. Yet, here you are speaking to me. Your hate for me should be used to make yourself stronger.”_

_“That’s not how this is going to work! We aren’t on the Finalizer anymore Kylo and I’m not some Stormtrooper just taking orders. I’m my own person. I’m Finn, and you won’t even acknowledge that.”_

Kylo goes silent as he feels their minds merging together for a moment, he can feel Finn’s weariness, he can see the light blue hues of the room as night cascaded from a window, and he can hear Finn trying to reason with himself. _“I just want you to know, that you aren’t going insane **Finn** , it’s really me. If I cannot do anything about this bond myself then don’t try anything yourself. You’ll simply have to live with it.”_

_“You’re our enemy. How can I call myself a member of the resistance if I have their most wanted man talking to me?”_

_“I can’t say how you should go about doing this, only that a bond is not easily broken.”_

Finn stared into the whiteness of his sheets, tears prickling at the edges of his vision. He didn’t even need to say anything for Kylo to understand. _“You thought Starkiller would be the end of it, that you’d be completely free from the First Order? Am I right?”_

Now it was Finn’s turn to be silent, he hardly wished to be bothered with the drone of the Knight’s voice in his mind. He was cutting Kylo off to some degree although, there was not much he could do with the man’s obvious expertise with the Force. He had months to practice using the bond while Finn was in a coma, as well as reading old texts about the bond. Now it seemed the ex-trooper was grasping onto one of it’s concepts with far more ease than Kylo ever did. They didn't speak for what seemed like minutes until Kylo could feel exhaustion seeping into Finn. He seemed to be sinking into sleep even as worry was cast over his mind. 

“It’s no matter now. You will be a Knight of Ren, like you were _meant to be_.”

Kylo only uttered this as Finn fell into slumber, and Finn could now only dream of more black cloaks and masks, a crimson red, and a shade. He felt small, he felt worthless, he felt like a traitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should clarify the 'dream' Finn has is indeed a memory until the nightmarish stuff. Man, I am really good at forgetting the events of movies lmao, had to rewatch a few scenes from TFA just to get some small details right. hmm next few chapters should be interesting with the dynamic between Finn/Poe/Kylo
> 
> My tumblr blog is Stormsith, I'm also looking for more Finnlo Prompts! If you wanna send anything lol.


	4. Nocturnal Emission

This time it was Kylo’s turn to dream. 

He can smell FN under him, it’s a sterile odor, made of the scents from the cleansing agents all Troopers used when it was time to shower. However, now there's something indescribably human about it, it was so unlike the complete stale scent of the Finalizer. It was mixed with sweat, with fear, with anxiety. It smelt like the lifeblood of the Dark Side, the exact thing he was trained to perceive

He was on top of FN, the both of them heaving cold breaths against the white sheen of snow. His gloved fingers are burrowing into the snow right next to FN’s head, and the man himself simply stared back at him, frozen like this planet. There is something heavy between them in this moment, this is Starkiller, where everything began and everything ended, and yet Kylo has never felt better returning here in his dreams. 

FN’s hands start to crawl up the black fabric of his cloak, they dig into the side of his chest where a blaster had torn into his skin. The same wound he used to fuel his hatred, the same one that was dripping blood down into the deep umber of FN’s skin, mixing and dripping down his wrist. He’s still looking at Kylo, and the Knight swears this is more than enough of a moment for the two of them. Even with the snow whipping around them, the frigid temperature, the way moisture clung to both their skins. FN doesn’t stop his fiddling and his eyes invite Kylo into him. 

The man is slow to move, slow to close the gap between the two of them and let his nose dip over FN’s and move over his lips. They’ve never broached past the implications of affection, but it was far too often that Kylo had dreams like this where FN was welcoming to his touch beyond the harsh violence of training. It made him ashamed to admit that he wanted after FN like this, that this was anything other than lust. He was never taught how to balance his feelings of lust with the Dark side, only that he should dedicate his body to one virtue in lieu of abandoning the other. It wasn’t just the call to the light that was threatening to tip him over the edge, he came to quickly realize that it was elements like FN too. How could he claim to be a teacher to the man, to hope to hone his eventual fall to the Dark side, when he could not stray from even his light? 

This was a question that not even Snoke could answer, Kylo couldn’t even begin to imagine his mentor fooling around with the concept of love and much less affection. Yet, here he was, his mouth perilously close to the throbbing veins of FN’s jugular, the thought of this made him feel delirious with power, the kind he couldn’t get alone, the very kind he couldn’t fathom before the bond tethered them together. He stopped as if to silently ask FN if this was okay and all he got in response was a firm hand running up the back of his neck. His lips grazed over FN’s supple skin, tongue and teeth bared over the pump of blood in those veins. FN barely said anything, but Kylo could hear the soft moan, it was a sound with more brevity than a snowflake falling and becoming indiscriminate in a mountain of snow. Kylo yearned so badly to only hear more of it. 

He pushes his tongue into the dip of his navel, he moves over it with the sloppiness of inexperience, but he does only what his instincts tell him. The hand FN keeps on the back of his neck grows encouraging as his fingers rub distracting circles on to the skin, but it doesn’t do enough. Suddenly, Kylo’s own hand clutches on to the wretched jacket that clearly didn’t belong to FN, it had the aura of the Resistance pilot on it, and in Kylo’s mind it had no place on _his_ FN. He roughly shoves it off, and FN is almost surprised by the callousness, but it was simply the possessiveness within Kylo rearing it’s ugly head. 

When he strips FN of it, the ex-Trooper clutches at Kylo’s face, the texture of his hand smoothing over the skin in an effort to cease the Knight’s tireless struggle against the things he can’t control. “Kylo….this is you and me here, no one else.”

It’s all FN needs to say to have the man lowering himself down again and have his lips lightly grazing those of FN and then lean into a deep kiss. Even if the cold made the two of them shudder the heat between them was incredible the feeling Kylo kiss him with conviction was a passion the Knight had harbored for the long months they spent in each other’s presence. It was still enamoured with a certain inexperience, but one that FN could reciprocate, with his arms outstretched he embraced the larger man. Kylo’s tongue would shyly flit into FN’s mouth to taste him, his mouth was sweet and thick with a tongue that was curiously meet with his own.

It felt marvelous, the feeling of his lips, the feeling of devouring all he had to give, the warmth of FN mouth was enveloping him. Kylo pushed forward in an attempt to claim dominance over the Troopers movements, but the other tilted back slowly, his moans seeping out between heated breaths. It was actually far messier than Kylo had ever imagined, but it felt so right that he could hardly complain. One hand goes to lock underneath FN’s back and the other lifts his shirt up. The cold of Starkiller combined with the sudden burst of arousal hit him. It made his dark nipples perk up and it made the Knight stare at the stunning and well worked body FN harbored.

His lips start immediately at one nipple, the other one was relentless tweaked by a trembling hand. Neither Kylo or FN could tell if it was just nerves or the cold, but they never imagined such an inconvenient place would spur the need to touch one another like this. Kylo’s mouth descends further over the soft expanse of FN’s chest, he leaves behind wet marks that makes FN’s abdomen tighter and flutter, the lower and lower his lips wander the deeper the keen in FN’s throat. The Knight feels his own patience wearing thin as his hands clutch and tear at the layers of robes below him, and then onto the loose black slacks that FN has on. The other man barely has time to react when he felt Kylo’s cold grip against his length. The Knight moves forward again, pressing their bodies together, exposing himself along with FN to the cold. 

It takes an ample amount of time for Kylo to press his erection against FN’s, and the Trooper who is nothing but a panting mess, leans into his touch. He is desperate to see just what is it that Kylo will do next, what else had he been thinking of while they spent time together. While the entire ordeal is all but silent save for their breaths, their minds meld and teem with questions and anxieties, that are then silenced when they find something good in all of this. 

Kylo’s finger spreads precum over his head, his hand grips firmly onto the both of them, and with a frantic jutt of his hips he begins to fuck his fist. FN grinds reluctantly too, unsure of anything but the need to release and Kylo giving it to him, almost ordering him to move. The Knight takes care to let his thumb flit lightly over FN’s glans, smearing whatever precum was there on to FN’s bare hip, while his lips continued to distract themselves with FN’s neck. FN’s movements start to get sluggish, he sees the stars, he sees the slow fall of flakes around then, and then he sees the strands of Kylo’s raven dark hair in his vision, the paleness of his skin, the sound of his stuttering moans. Kylo imagines that FN hasn’t had much experience in this type of thing, when he comes it feels premature, but Kylo starts to whisper reassurances to him in a tone he’s never heard before.

_“It’s okay….you can come for me….just for me.”_

Kylo’s own voice is noticeably sluggish, and FN’s hand clutches tight onto his shoulder as he scrambles for purchase. He cums first of course, it dribbles from his cock on to the flat plane of his stomach, Kylo smirks at this even with his own orgasm not far behind, he enjoys the feeling of FN silently screaming into his shoulder like he wanted to hide from it. The throbbing pleasure that’s shared between them in that moment causes Kylo to kneel over, his own hips stuttering and struggling to compensate for FN’s oversensitive cock. Ecstasy builds up in his hips and travels down his length, it spreads like a fire and covers over him and for the first time Kylo feels FN and him merging into one. Unable to move from where they were and completely sated, Kylo fell limp against FN. It was only after a few moments that FN gathered the strength to mindlessly stroke a hand through Kylo's hair. 

It felt unbecoming to Kylo for FN to do that, before this, their interactions were nothing but tepid things, filled with trepidation and anxiety. He blamed himself constantly for making FN feel that way about his presence and methods of training, but he could think of nothing else. It had been _so_ long since he had anyone close to him in an intimate manner, it was his sacrifice for gaining power. FN made him weak, and Kylo liked to imagine that the other man knew that.

The shame of doing this here in all places coursed through him slowly the longer they stayed conjoined, and the dream started to fade, as if Kylo had fully accepted how absurd it had all been. The feeling of cold, the aftershock of an orgasm, and the comfort of FN's hand stroking his hair turned into the same familiar numbness he was used to. He could only think one thing. 

_“How….disgusting…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay (had school + writers block), I actually split this chapter into two and the next one should come shortly? Hopefully? LOL. Also I'll lessen up on the dream sequences....I promise ^^. As you can see Kylo is not above having wet dreams lmao.
> 
> My tumblr blog is Stormsith, I'm also looking for more Finnlo Prompts! If you wanna send anything lol. I love getting comments!!


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